"we’re having mcdonalds for dinner"
"i made cookies"
"i did your laundry for you"
"we’re going out you’ll be home alone for a few hours"
i was ready to just scroll past like “haha grammar humor” but then it was weird al and i,
so apparently people talk to their pets in baby voices, but when i see my cat i’m just like ‘hey brad’ and he’s like ‘meow’ and the conversation is over.
I don’t know why but for some reason the fact that your cat’s name is brad is hilarious to me
a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
what the fuck
Me when I’m taking to my mom
if harry styles wasnt famous then he would just be a guy in england who is beautiful and no one would even know about him and how perfect he is and that really bothers me i think about this a lot okay and theres probably so many cute guys in the world who are dorky and can sing like an angel and are kind just like harry and i dont even know about them cus they’re not famous dont touch me im upset
I either dress like im going to a red carpet event or like im a homeless drug addict there is no in between
I LAUGHED WAY TOO FUCKIGN HARD
That is the most intense pizzaiolo I’ve ever seen.